Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
organizing the empties. That sober.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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