If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
