oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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