Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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