Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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