I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
