dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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