How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
