Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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