someone get that fucking seahorse.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
