oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
