I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Houston, we have a squirter
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize