so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
