That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
