"it" just moved
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
did i just pee glitter
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
