I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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