so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
This girl is more easily done than said...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
