so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
