When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I love you. Go after that dick
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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