At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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