Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
