my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
