Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize