Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
