you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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