he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Who died my cat blue again?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
