mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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