it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
