i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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