dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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