Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
