so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
