she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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