so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize