it was like a zeppelin in a condom
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
