She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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