Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
