these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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