you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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