I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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