Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
