brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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