1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
