Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
