apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
