i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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