he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
