Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
