Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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