Non-Jews are for practice
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
