Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
