I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He kissed a someone with a penis
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My penis needs a shock collar
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
