have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
