so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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