Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
