I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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