You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
