Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's never too late to be topless.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
