i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
