Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
