The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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