I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
