Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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