Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
