I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
