I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
