Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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