Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
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