Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
