This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
