Your mouth is God's brothel.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
