Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
