promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
